Animal Welfare Professionals

Hi,

So I adopted my sweet boy Freddie Mercury “Freddie” on Thursday, 4/4/19. Right now, at 2 am Sunday morning, he is laying on my lap in my bed. Although he really seems to like this, he won’t let me touch him and runs if I try. Even gently sliding a hand towards him for him to smell isn’t working. I get that it’s great progress that he’s sleeping on me, but why won’t he let me touch him? Any ideas or tips on how to help me and my little guy? 

Do you know much about his history?  Was he a stray?  Fostered?

He may be overwhelmed by his new home.  I always recommend that new cats or kittens are set up in ONE room in their new house and allowed to adjust from there and explore at their pace.  Ideally this will be the final location of their litter box, but that isn't always an option for some folks.  Can you try isolating Freddie in a bathroom, office, bedroom, etc so that his transition is less overwhelming?  Then come into his room, sit down on his level as you're able, and speak to him quietly.  You can just talk or read a book out loud.   I would advise doing this as much as possible, as your schedule allows.  Offer him wet food or stinky fishy treats--whatever he likes best--and reserve them as a reward for approaching you.  Once he feels comfortable eating wet food or treats close by you, then start to reach out to attempt to touch him.  He will learn that hands are not a threat, in fact, they are associated with yummy food and safety.

Shy kittens are a bit of work but many of them come around quickly once they realize that hands aren't for hurting (or incessantly giving medication....some kittens from shelters aren't able to be handled frequently other than for things like medications and vaccines--this can lead to unhappy associations with being touched).  But don't let him roam a larger area than one room until he is happy to come to you and be petted--the stress of chasing a cat or kitten around the house to corral him into a carrier for a vet visit or to give medication or flea treatment can really set back a relationship of trust and understanding.

He pretty much spent his entire 8 weeks of life at the shelter I adopted him from, but I truly don’t know how much human contact he had. He lived in a room with his litter mates and a few other kittens. 

His room is also set up in my room because I have an open floor plan and another cat and dog. He seems to be adjusting better, he is just getting used to me. I give him a lot of space, do playtime, read to him (he likes The Giving Tree,) and he climbs up on my bed at night. 

Thanks for your advice 😊

Maybe the previous touch wasnt loving, as yours is.  Sleeping on your lap is a big step.  Could you let him set the pace and see the current behavior as huge if this is a fearful dog.  You have a lifetime together...no rush.  🤗

Yes, I don’t know how much human contact he had at the shelter, but he was one skittish kitten. 

Thanks for the encouragement 😊

Sometimes I try only hand feeding to build a bond. In a case like yours I might pick up the freefeeding food and hand feed, to build the connection.

Thanks for the advice 😊

I agree with the responses that you received.  Use wet food and yummy treats only for your training.  Work him up to eating those either very close to you on the floor or on your lap.  Once he is close to you give a few pets while he is engaged with the food.  Gradually build this up until he is comfortable with pets.  Once that happens you will also want to start working on the pick up because if he doesn't like to be pet he probably will be difficult to pick up or be carried.  After they are comfortable with touch I start lifting them off the ground just a little while they are engage with their food.  Very gradually increasing the height and duration.   Hope it helps.

Hi!  I am AMAZED that Freddy lays in your lap - BRAVO!!!  I suspect that is his attempt at making contact - stick with it!  Give him time to settle in, a few more weeks & I suspect that he will slowly let you touch him, especially if you do so when the lights are out & he is really, really relaxed.  I did have a question, though?  Can you tell if he purrs when he is on your lap or snuggled up next to you?  If he is purring he is telling you that he is getting comfortable...  If he isn't, he will, in time.  You may want to 'treat train' him.  At least that way you can get ahold of him when you need to (meds, vet visits, etc.).  Once a day, yell 'treats' & then give them a treat. They will learn to come for this.  I had to do this with my 'trash can kitty' who lived under a bed for 3 months (Zoe).  That was 5 years ago & now she sleeps on my chest!  It took her almost a year to settle in & learn to trust, but she came with ALOT of baggage - your Freddie just needs to recognize that he can trust that you will be there for him & that he can allow himself to let you...  He will, in time.  You are doing a great job!  Keep it up!  Read to him, talk to him.  Play with him.  Try to keep a regular schedule.  Let him come to you.  It will work out!