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Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

  • 1.  Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

    Posted 10-01-2024 11:35 PM

    Updated 10/7/24 at 2:42 pm PT:  Recording now available to watch on-demand!

    If you missed our Community Conversation on Monday, 10/07/24 at 11am PT for a presentation titled, "Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets" with @Janel Griffieth, Non-Profit Leader and Animal Well-Being Professional, you can watch the recording above. 

    The human-animal bond holds immense health benefits, particularly for survivors of trauma. In many cases, survivors view their pets as their sole source of love and security, often delaying leaving an abusive situation to protect their animals. This workshop aims to address these critical considerations when supporting survivors and their pets. It will provide insights on navigating this complex dynamic, ensuring not only the survivor's well-being but also addressing the essential care and support required for their pets. By discussing these aspects, the workshop aims to equip individuals with a deeper understanding and practical strategies to offer comprehensive support to both survivors and their animal companions.

    Maddie's Fund will also be announcing the September grant giveaway winners! 


    Register for Community Conversations hosted via Zoom: https://maddies.fund/CommunityConvoRegistration2024

    As always, this discussion thread will be updated with the recording and resources so you can watch and share whenever you'd like.  After you watch the recording on-demand or attend the call live, be sure to complete the new October 2024 entry form to enter to win up to a $5,000 grant: https://www.maddiesfund.org/weekly-community-conversations-oct24-giveaway.htm


    #AccesstoCare
    #CommunityPartnerships*
    #Diversity,Equity,InclusionandJustice
    #PetSupportServices*

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    Maddie's Pet Forum Admin
    Maddie's Fund
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  • 2.  RE: Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

    Posted 10-07-2024 05:30 PM
      |   view attached

    Thanks to the 156+ people and paws who joined us on today's Community Conversations call! The recording is now available to watch on-demand. Below you'll find a recap of today's call and the resources shared. 

    Call Recap

    • Welcome from hosts
      • @Raye Taylor, CEO/CMO, Taylor Veterinary Services; Vice President, Minnesota Board of Veterinary Medicine
      • @Lucy Fernandez, Senior Intake Diversion (PASS) Program Manager, Austin Pets Alive! 

    • Question of the Day: What does your pet do that makes you feel safe?
      • "Biscuits" - Lucy Fernandez
      • "One of my cats and my dog have a wonderful way of telling when I'm in distress. They come and cuddle me when they know I'm out of it, and it never fails to calm me down and make me feel safe." - Zoe Johnson
      • "Bark at everything that moves in my yard, lol " - Kelly Beaty
      • "One of my cats makes me slow down to pet her and will hold me hostage on the sofa. Slow up MOM!" - Elaine Edington
      • "My greyhound girls are leaners... they remind me that they always love me and have my back!." - Mary Flores
      • "My kitties take care of me when I'm sick. They cuddle and sleep with me. Tipton, IN" - janette martin
      • "My Pebbles curls up next to me every night and that is very comforting." - Debra DeVries
      • "We have 5 cats, and they all take turns snuggling with us throughout the day when we are being home bodies. And they form a parade to greet me every day I come home from work" - Alexandra Nemeth
      • "Binky across my living room (bunnies) <3 If they feel safe - I do too! Prey animals showing their silly sides is a privilege for us to experience." - Lauren Swank
      • "Foster kittens downstairs - they wait on the top stair at the door for us." - June Thomas
      • "My resident cat is quiet, but she helps me raise my neonatal foster kittens." - rosalie hathcock
      • "Atlanta - my adult cat Roo meets me at the window & door every time I come home. She also pays more attention to me when she senses an atmosphere change which is important to me because those trigger my awful migraines" - rosalie hathcock
      • "Hi! My name is Lauren from Moscow, Idaho. My cats make me feel safe by always being in the same room as me, no matter what I'm doing. I never have to do anything alone when they're around!" - Lauren Green
      • "My orange tabby Ringo will drop his body on my face, and I put my arm around his body." - June Thomas
      • "Nicole from Missoula, MT. My big boy loves to snuggle on strict schedule - he provides a little consistency to my day :)" - Nicole Nolte
      • "From NYC. My pet is a bunny, and he helps me feel regulated when things are very stressful. He is joyful and every day has needs which make me get up and function. If I'm not entirely there for myself, I have to be there for him." - Lina Cohen
      • "Jory from Austin Pets Alive, my dog is cuddling with me RIGHT NOW!" - Jory Jolivet
      • "My animals can all tell when something is wrong and comfort me as well as my kids. Its wild now in tune they can really be with human emotions." - Aly Martinez
      • "Pupper loves sitting on the desk in his bed watching Zooms with me.  Ephrata, WA" - Deana Riley
      • "My cat sleeps against my legs at night and it helps in the same way a weighted blanket helps. It helps me feel less alone since its just us two at home." - Marian Morcos
      • "Hello from Ruthless Kindness in California. My soul mate dog is Buck, a big fluffy dog." - Sarah Reidenbach
      • "Hello from Northern CA! My dog barks when he thinks a stranger is approaching too close." - Irene Chansawang
      • "North Charleston, SC. My pups let me know if anyone is on our cul-de-sac by barking at the front window. Also, my little one stays with me wherever I am in the house!" - Lisa Pearce
      • "I am Rachel from Kansas City and I am TNR Coordinator with Heart of America Humane Society. My 5 black cats keep me safe and comforted by always following me around, letting me know I am NEVER alone. 🙂" - Rachel Coldanghise
      • "Hi! My name is Susan- from Pittsburgh PA- I have dogs and cats, but my Irish Setters are guard dogs and are always at my side. They are the sweetest dogs, but I feel confident they would protect me if I was ever in danger. They think they are lap dogs LOL." - Susan Bell
      • "Hi! I am Jillian from DuPage County Animal Services in Wheaton, IL. My big orange tabby makes me feel safe by providing me with extra purrs and love when he senses I am upset or stressed. It's like our animals have a sixth sense for knowing when we need them a little more than usual." - Jillian Boyle
      • "They snuggle into me when I am stressed or emotional.  They definitely can sense moods." - Karen Vandersall
      • "My dog is always keeping an eye on our yard, especially when my husband is gone. My puppy sleeps on my neck and my cat always follows me lol especially when having a bad day 🙃" - Amber Mingin
      • "My mixed breed dog Mikey lets me know whenever a "threat' is near, from children in strollers to blowing leaves." - Chris Fitzgerald
      • "Hi! I'm Natalia From Los Angeles CA. When I'm anxious or depressed my beautiful animals bring me much needed joy, comfort and love. Just getting love from them or hugging them always makes me feel better." - Natalia Glady

    • Maddie's Fund Grant Announcements - September 2024 Monthly Drawing Winners
      • Community Conversations Winners of $2,500 each
      • Maddie's Pet Forum Winners
        • $3,000 Monthly grant: @Lauren Green, Public Relations Manager at Humane Society of the Palouse in Moscow, Idaho

        • $1,000 Quarterly grant: @Dara Edmonds, Executive Director at Central Florida Community Pet Clinic in DeBary, Florida

    • National Updates
      • Save the date: Humane Canada's Prosecution of Animal Abuse conference (virtual) November 28 and 29. We will provide the link for registration as soon as it is available.
        Come learn the basics or tune up your trapping skills!
      • Kristen Petrie - United Spay Alliance Online Conference this weekend. There are a ton of great speakers. You can get all the details and register here: https://www.communitycatspodcast.com/events/2024-united-spay-alliance-online-conference/
      • Maddie's Insights this Thursday at noon PT, 3 pm ET. Behavior Euthanasia: Just the facts with Miranda Hitchcock https://maddies.fund/MIwebcastBehavioralEuthanasiaEvent
      • NACA members – reminder to vote for the board of directors.  The election is open until Friday Oct. 11. Check your email for a link to the ballot.
      • Maddie's Pet Forum Monthly Giveaway: Maddie's Fund® is giving away a $3,000 grant each month to one lucky Maddie's® Pet Forum member. You'll automatically be entered to win each month when you start a new discussion, reply to a new post. More info:  https://maddies.fund/mpfmonthlygiveaway
      • Maddie's Fund Monthly Giveaways!  Enter here for a chance to win CA$H: 
         https://www.maddiesfund.org/weekly-community-conversations-oct24-giveaway.htm
        Open to all who are watching live or on-demand! Be sure to enter each week you attend!

      • In celebration of Maddie's Fund 30th anniversary, Maddie's Fund and Cuddly have partnered to provide $1,000 in prizes monthly, for engaging on a special anniversary-related post on Maddie's Pet Forum. This October, simply comment on this thread telling us who has inspired your work and you'll be entered to win a $1,000 Cuddly prize pack: https://maddies.fund/30YearsGiveawayOctober2024

        You'll also be entered to win the usual $3,000 monthly grant giveaway by participating. We're so excited to celebrate Maddie's Fund 30th anniversary with Cuddly and all of you. You can find each month's discussion thread when they're available here: https://forum.maddiesfund.org/30yearsgiveaway

    • Presentation: Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets
      • Guest Speaker: @Janel Griffieth, Non-Profit Leader and Human and Animal Well-Being Professional
      • Content Warning: Today's Community Conversation includes references to Domestic Violence that some viewers might find difficult or disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised. If you or a loved one are experiencing Domestic Violence, help is available via the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
        Please note that, unless explicitly stated by a presenter, we are not licensed mental health professionals. The information provided in these sessions should not be considered medical or psychological advice. If you are seeking mental health support or treatment, we recommend consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Always prioritize professional guidance for any health-related decisions. We honor diverse forms of healing, and encourage individuals to explore care that aligns with their values, culture, and personal well-being.
      • Key Takeaways:
        • Gain a foundational understanding of domestic and family violence, including its various forms.
        • Recognize the pivotal role pets play in the lives of survivors and how they can influence the dynamics of abuse.
        • Learn practical strategies to support both people and pets affected by domestic violence, ensuring a compassionate and comprehensive approach to their safety and well-being.
      • Related Links:


    Highlights from the Chat

      • "The Executive Director of my local shelter (the Northwest SPCA in Oroville, CA) inspires me. she started as a kennel attendant 30 years ago and is still committed to serving the animals and people in this low-income, rural community." - Nancy Kerns
      • "I participate in the PA Keystone Link Alliance which creates education content on the link between human and animal abuse which bleeds into topics just like this! - Ashley Mikulsky, CEO, Animal Rescue League of Berks County" - Ashley Mikulsky
      • "I've lost two friends to DV 😞" - Dara Edmonds
      • "If it's not on camera, it didn't happen in Mississippi. I found that out 3 years ago when it happened to me. I bought cameras and documented what the cameras caught but no one was arrested for what was being done to me." - Kim Jackson
      • "Humane Canada was able to successfully advocate to have animals included in wording as part of a "pattern of behavior" in a Coercive Control Bill currently before our federal government!" - Kathy Duncan
      • "Horribly true. SC is often in the top 5 states for DV deaths. Charleston Animal Society has quietly fostered fur family members so others can transition away from dangerous situations. Not widely advertised or known because we must keep our staff safe in contentious situations. We are the only open admission shelter in Charleston County, SC. 🥺" - Lisa Pearce
      • "And, our Manager, Justice and Legislative Affairs, was just this morning, a witness at the Committee on the Status of Women about this at our Federal Parliament!" - Kathy Duncan
      • "Love this point Janel is making. Only after you've been in an abusive relationship with charming narcissist do you develop this highly sensitive negative reaction to someone who is "charming."" - Nancy Kerns
      • "So true Nancy, and how that trauma is carried forever in your future relationships." - Raye Taylor
      • "I left my dog to escape a 2-year emotionally and physically abusive relationship when I was young.  I loved that dog so much but the only way I could escape was to leave my dog. This was a LONG time ago when there was less support and was my third attempt to leave - the first two times he found me and forced me back with him. This is tough to listen to because it's so spot on and brings back memories. But it makes me so so happy that there is so much more support now ♥️. Thank you, Janel!!" - Sheila Segurson
      • "Thank you for sharing, Sheila. Your vulnerability and transparency are deeply respected." - Raye Taylor
      • "This is so true! 💔 My high school boyfriend was so charming and slowly started controlling my entire life. Before I even knew what had happened, he cut everyone out of my life and a year later he was physically violent. If he hadn't broken my nose while I was driving no one would have ever even know." - Natalia Glady
      • "Inhaaaaaaaaaaale/Exhaaaaaaaale" - Lucy Fernandez
      • "Thanks for bringing in this point! Also, I think we might feel guilty when those realizations happen-how could we not know, how could we miss it...that is the time to give ourselves grace too, it is not fault." - Raye Taylor
      • "Be careful. Don't tell the person what you are planning on doing. That is when it can get very dangerous." - Kyla Cotant
      • "I did have the means to just leave. I was very lucky. Unfortunately, that person stalked me." - rosalie hathcock
      • "Thanks for your sharing. You bring up another fear for people to not leave. Fear of stalking." - Raye Taylor
      • "Please if you are planning on leaving, do NOT tell the other person, that is when it can be the most dangerous. Make your plans in private and just leave. Don't announce it to the other party. Stay safe!" - Kyla Cotant
      • "Shame. This is why I'm so open about my experiences.  Because I don't have shame and I feel so very strongly that we need to share that it can happen to anyone." - Sheila Segurson
      • "We had a situation at the shelter who had to surrender dog. The ex came to get dog and tried to demand her name & address!!  Luckily we refused and called the police." - rosalie hathcock
      • "Our culture is saturated in domestic violence and unhealthy relationship messaging. Many families are dealing with histories of violence and used to such things and might not be supportive of someone leaving." - Lina Cohen
      • "My parents were heartbroken when they learned my sister was being physically abused--partly because my sister anticipated that they might judge her! They blamed themselves for failing to imbue her with the confidence that they would support her no matter what." - Nancy Kerns
      • "I work for PAWS NY; we have partnered with organizations to help survivors of Domestic Violence. We run a Foster and Emergency Care program to ensure pets are fostered while survivors seek treatment, and make sure the individual and pet are reunited after treatment safely." - David - PAWS NY 
      • "Thank you so much for that point. People can be lovely to the general public AND still be causing harm to an individual." - Allison Cardona
      • "The AND is so forgotten. We can all be contradictory--in our actions, or perceptions, or thoughts and emotions. SO in DV and abuse, that is still there! Great reminder." - Raye Taylor
      • "100% NON-expert here: Just let them know you love them, care about them, wish more for them, will support them if/when they decide to leave. They have reasons for not wanting to leave and diminishing them won't help." - Nancy Kerns
      • "Yes!!! My Dog Is My Home is an amazing organization!" - Connie Kile
      • "Thank you…also wondering if ownership of more than 1 firearm has been an indicator." - Irene Chansawang
      • "Such an incredible and important presentation. Thank you so much, Janel!" - Lindsey Knox
      • "Thank you for a very meaningful, eye-opening call!" - Lawrence Minnis
      • "❤️ you Janel! Thank you for an amazing amount of info!!" - Connie Kile
      • "Thank you, Janel! And best of luck with the coming storm!" - Nancy Kerns
      • "Amazing… thank you so much!" - Jyothi Robertson
      • "Thank you Janel!! I agree "mad skills"!" - Azalia Boyd
      • "Thank you for everything!! Stay safe in the storm!" - Natalie Glady
      • "Such an incredible presentation, thank you so much Janel!" - Charlotte Otero
      • "Thank you for sharing such great information on this important topic, especially when a literal hurricane is headed your way. Stay safe!" - Sheila Kouhkan
      • "Wow... thank you so much, Janel. I am a DV survivor and this brought up a lot of things for me.. But soooooo important to increase the awareness about DV." - Mary Flores
      • "Thank you, Janel! So informative on such a sensitive topic. Wishing you the best during the hurricane season!" - Irene Chansawang
      • "Thank you all!!! Very informative. Thanks for sharing. Stay safe down there!!" - Alison Lindsay
      • "Thank you, Janel, for the info today, and for your continual advocacy for animals and people 👏🏼" - Matt Goodwin
      • "Stay SAFE.  Milton is currently projected to be a Category 5.  We just experienced Helene - as did many others and she was not a Lady!!" - Debra DeVries
      • "Excellent presentation." - Debra DeVries
      • "Thank you so much for your time, insights, and wisdom on this important topic." - Lydia Krupinski
      • "Thank you for this chock full of information on DV." - Julielani Chang
      • "Thank you! This was a phenomenal presentation." - Kristen Petrie
      • "Thank you so much for this amazing presentation.." - Alexandra Nemeth
      • "Thanks Janel! Wonderful talk." - Robin Vincent
      • "I learned so much!" - Alexandra Nemeth
      • "Thank you for a wonderful presentation!" - Cecilia Oliveros



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    Sheila Kouhkan
    Senior Education Specialist
    Maddie's Fund
    CA
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    Original Message


  • 3.  RE: Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

    Posted 10-07-2024 05:37 PM

    Unanswered question from the chat:

    "What do you advise if someone is unwilling to leave? I have a friend who is currently experiencing DV (she has a cat) and she won't take us up on our offer to come stay with us. I don't know what to do to help." - @Jory Jolivet



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    Maddie's Pet Forum Admin
    Maddie's Fund
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    Original Message


  • 4.  RE: Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

    Posted 10-08-2024 10:05 AM

    I believe I answered this in the call but it is great to have here in writing. Our job as loved ones is to be patient, and empathetic, and to never give up. We cannot force another person to make a life decision. We only can see what they let us and there could be so many more underlining factors in their decision to stay. I would just continuously check-in, not hound them, and remind them that you are always there for them and you support them no matter what.  Gently remind them that bad behaviors are not acceptable to anyone. Don't forget to take time to self-care for yourself. I know it can feel hopeless and frustrating and all the other emotions. You see their worth and want so much more for them. You must take care of yourself because when they are ready we must be ready to embrace them. Also, do not forget it is okay to set boundaries. Your mental health is extremely important too! 



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    Janel Griffieth
    Consultant
    N/A
    FL
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    Original Message


  • 5.  RE: Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

    Posted 10-09-2024 06:41 AM

    I was a victim of DV (my husband at the time was Law Enforcement). I didn't leave for a long time because I would lose my income, I believed I would lose my children, no one else wanted me because I had children, and was completely dependent on him. One of the biggest things is to know DV doesn't happen on the first date. It is something that slowly occurs. It took someone saying to me "he is going to harm one of your children when they step in to stop him from killing you" to open my eyes. The shame of finding myself in that situation and knowing that my friends and family were right about him was embarrassing. It would prove his points....I was stupid. None of it makes sense to someone who isn't being abused. But if you were asked to walk away from EVERYTHING, is important to understand. You are asking your friend to do just that. The other amazing thing that was said to me was "When you are ready, I am here for you." This gave me some power. In serious abuse situations, DV victims don't even have the authority to choose what to make for dinner or how to pick up the house. Giving them a choice is overwhelming and terrifying. If your loved one apologizes for a misstep you forgive them. When they misstep again, you forgive them again. Abusers are amazing at making it appear as the victim's fault and a misstep. "I'm sorry, it will never happen again, and I'll never do it again".  You believe them. Give your friend grace, and support. Give them a safe place with no judgment and no questions. I am so sorry this is occurring to your friend! Please feel free to contact me anytime privately if I can help further. I became an SME in DV because of my experience. 



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    Jeanette Loven
    Senior Code Enforcement/Animal Control Officer/FTO
    Telluride Marshals Office
    CO
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    Original Message


  • 6.  RE: Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

    Posted 10-09-2024 10:11 AM

    Jeanette, thank you so much for sharing your story and advice. Truly, that is amazing. I am so glad you were able to escape and are safe. Survivor stories are crucial and the most important part of advocating! So I thank you again for sharing. 



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    Janel Griffieth
    Consultant
    N/A
    FL
    ------------------------------

    Original Message


  • 7.  RE: Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

    Posted 10-07-2024 05:39 PM

    Unanswered question from the chat:

    "I just had a woman contact me the other day about wanting to surrender her dog because of domestic violence.  The man provoked the dog to bite him, and the dog also bit her 3-year-old. She's afraid taking the dog where she's moving will be a giveaway for him to follow her to her new home when she walks the dog. We have trouble taking in biters. Any advice how we can help her?" - @Susan Leavitt



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    Maddie's Pet Forum Admin
    Maddie's Fund
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    Original Message


  • 8.  RE: Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

    Posted 10-08-2024 10:05 AM

    That is a very unfortunate situation and why I feel so bad for pets experiencing domestic violence because we, as animal welfare people, understand biting can be such a negative mark on them.  Do you know any local trainers you could work with? I would be open and honest with them about the situation. In Minnesota, Four Winds Connections started a program where one focus is working on dog training.  The people who foster also have that understanding. I would also look into a trainer that is not in close proximity to where the survivor lives. I am not sure where you live, but if a decent-sized city then it can be easier to get the dog farther away.  Maybe even look into trainers and organizations in another city to be extra safe.  That is a good place to start and I found there is bound to be someone who will step up and help when they hear the situation.  Also, think about who will be liable for the dog. 

    https://www.fourwindsconnections.org/



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    Janel Griffieth
    Consultant
    N/A
    FL
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    Original Message


  • 9.  RE: Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

    Posted 10-07-2024 05:40 PM

    Unanswered question from the chat:


    "What support systems can on organization develop to make the workplace a safe place for people to speak about Domestic Violence and seek support?" - @Jorge Delgado



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    Maddie's Pet Forum Admin
    Maddie's Fund
    ------------------------------

    Original Message


  • 10.  RE: Community Conversations - 10/07/24 - Understanding Domestic Violence to Better Support Survivors and Their Pets

    Posted 10-08-2024 10:05 AM

    That is a great question! I think first and foremost offering training on understanding domestic violence is a great start. As I stated it is so crucial for people to have a deeper understanding of what it is so we move forward appropriately. Another thing you can do is post materials about domestic violence in the breakroom or where staff congregate. October is also domestic violence awareness month, it is a great opportunity to speak about DV all month and show your organization is in support. At the core of it creating an environment of empathy. Discouraging accusatory language in the workplace.  This is so crucial so people feel comfortable speaking up. Leadership should also lead by example and let staff know they are they to listen and support the best they can in any situation.  Domestic violence costs businesses 13 billion dollars each year in productivity, healthcare, and absenteeism.  I say that as something practical to bring back to leadership and also something to think about. Supporting survivors can save not only a life but an organization's productivity. 



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    Janel Griffieth
    Consultant
    N/A
    FL
    ------------------------------

    Original Message


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